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 Got jokes son 
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ϟ ϟ Wanee Demi-God ϟ ϟ
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Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 7:43 pm
Posts: 10639
Location: Albany, NY
Post Re: Got jokes son
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the IRS agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said. “I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”
“Good question,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of
bandages.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of
plaster.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the
leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”
“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.”

_________________
When In Doubt, Play Allmans
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBfhL3EyAIk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm039Hw45aw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FCQwv82 ... r_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBo_POKv21w


Sun Mar 21, 2010 2:43 pm Profile WWW
ϟ ϟ Wanee Demi-God ϟ ϟ
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Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 9:55 am
Posts: 10884
Location: New Bern, NC (Coastal NC)
Post Re: Got jokes son
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 65.) A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?'
'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very
unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking,
or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said.
He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a s#%t?'

:shock: :lol:

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Sat Mar 27, 2010 2:06 pm Profile
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Joined: Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:02 pm
Posts: 1690
Post Re: Got jokes son
It's a beautiful day so the blonde decides to go for a walk in the park.
After a while she finds herself walking along a riverbank and notices a man motioning towards her from the other side of the river.
She stops and yells across to him " can I help you? "
He answers, " yes ma'am, could you please tell me how I might get to the other side of the river".
She pauses, puzzled, looks up the river one way, and then down the other, and shouts back to him, " you ARE on the other side "
:roll:


Sat Mar 27, 2010 2:52 pm Profile
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Joined: Mon Feb 15, 2010 3:15 pm
Posts: 2018
Post Re: Got jokes son
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.
On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.
On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring water.
When she was finished, she went into every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!!! People stopped coming over to visit... repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. Then, the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers deliverd the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take their new home........ and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods.

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when you get confused, listen to the music play...


Sat Mar 27, 2010 3:17 pm Profile
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Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 12:37 am
Posts: 192
Post Re: Got jokes son
Joe complains to Mike that his elbow hurts. Mike says, "Go to the Walmart doctor. There is a machine that you dump a urine sample in and it tells you what is wrong with you."

Joe figured he would try it. He goes to the Walmart doctor and dumps his urine in the slot. After about 30 seconds, the doctor prints out instructions that read, "You have tennis elbow. Take some Aleve, on aisle 2, and avoid heavy lifting.

Later that night, Joe wandered if he could mess with the Walmart doctor. So, he mixed some puppy urine, urine samples from both his daughter and wife, and a little semen of his own. He took it back to the Walmart doctor and dumped it into the slot. After about 30 seconds, the doctor printed out instructions. "Your puppy has worms-buy worm medication on aisle 3. Your daughter is addicted to crack-put her in rehab. Your wife is pregnant with twins and they are not yours-get a lawyer. Quit jacking off or your elbow will never get better."

Thank you for shopping at Walmart!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Sun Mar 28, 2010 3:09 am Profile
Wanee Veteran

Joined: Tue May 19, 2009 8:04 pm
Posts: 976
Location: Jacksonville
Post Re: Got jokes son
I was wonderring why I slipped on aisle #7. Anyway, my joke: What do you call people who participate in the Wanee Forum?


Sun Mar 28, 2010 9:25 am Profile
Wanee Wizard
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Joined: Tue Jan 19, 2010 12:18 pm
Posts: 3810
Post Re: Got jokes son
Please do tell. The suspense is killing us.


Sun Mar 28, 2010 6:28 pm Profile
Wanee Wizard
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Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 5:25 pm
Posts: 2802
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Post Re: Got jokes son
treehugger wrote:
Please do tell. The suspense is killing us.

+1


Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:15 pm Profile WWW
ϟ ϟ Wanee Demi-God ϟ ϟ
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Joined: Fri Feb 27, 2009 7:43 pm
Posts: 10639
Location: Albany, NY
Post Re: Got jokes son
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'


The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!

_________________
When In Doubt, Play Allmans
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBfhL3EyAIk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nm039Hw45aw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FCQwv82 ... r_embedded

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBo_POKv21w


Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:39 am Profile WWW
Wanee Lover

Joined: Thu May 21, 2009 10:35 am
Posts: 1548
Post Re: Got jokes son
This guy is at the bar when he sees this beautiful girl at the end of the bar by herself.He takes a drink of courage and approaches the girl at the bar.He ask the girl her name and she says"my name is Carmen because I like cars and I like men",she then ask the guy what his name is and he said Beerfuck!


Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:46 am Profile
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