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 Got jokes son 
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Location: Huger, SC
Post Re: Got jokes son
Ba-doom boom, Psshh
Yuk, yuk, yuk!

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Mon Mar 01, 2010 9:18 pm Profile
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Location: Huger, SC
Post Re: Got jokes son
Irish Catholic joke (with accent)
The priest was about to give the Sunday mass when in walks Billy O'Hara and he sits right up front. The priest thinks this is amazing, Billy hasn't been in church for years. Billy listens intently to the sermon about the Ten Commandments nodding his head in agreement occasionally. Suddenly he gets up and heads for the door smartly. The priest stops in mid-sentence and says "Here now, Billy. You'll be waitin' a minute there. You seemed to be enjoyin' the service now where are you off to so quickly?"
Billy says "Father, I misplaced my favorite hat the other day and was passing by when in the church walks Mac McCready with a hat just like mine. I must confess that I purposed to sneak in here and steal it from the hat rack."
"Well son, bless you for confessing. And what was it changed your mind, sure'n when I spoke that 'thou shalt not steal'?"
Well, no Father. All fine points such as they are but, when you got to the one 'Thou shalt not commit adultery.' I remembered where I left it."

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Thu Mar 04, 2010 12:08 am Profile
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Post Re: Got jokes son
This fellow was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. Now they're on their honeymoon at a resort in Montego Bay. One night, in the men's room, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall Jamaican at the urinal.

To his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his penis. "Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help noticing your tattoo. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?" "No way, mon, I work for the Tourist board. Mine reads, "Welcome to Jamaica, mon, have a nice day.'"


Mon Mar 08, 2010 3:50 am Profile WWW
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Post Re: Got jokes son
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."



"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."


"Third - There's a 60-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."



The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
________________________________________

________________________________________


Tue Mar 09, 2010 2:24 pm Profile
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Post Re: Got jokes son
Bill had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years, so he eventually decided to go and see a doctor.
The doctor said, 'Bill, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration.
You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove your testicles.'

Bill was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need... a new suit.'

He entered the shop and told the tailor, 'I'd like a new suit.'

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.'

Bill laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.

Bill tried on the suit and it fitted perfectly.
As Bill admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, 'How about a new shirt?'

Bill thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.'

The tailor eyed Bill and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.'

Bill was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?'

'Been in the business 60 years.'

Bill tried on the shirt and it fitted perfectly.

Bill walked comfortably around the shop and then the tailor asked, 'How about some new underwear?'

Bill thought for a moment and said, 'Sure..'

The tailor said, 'Let's see... size 36.

Bill laughed, 'Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old..'

The tailor shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.'


Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:22 am Profile
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Post Re: Got jokes son
Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in
their soon-to-be new store..
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some senior
is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're
selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice
asked, "What are you sellin' here?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling
ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said,"Must be doing
well... Only two left."

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Fri Mar 12, 2010 10:47 am Profile
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Post Re: Got jokes son
phish1 wrote:
What did the little black boy get for Christmas?
Answer: Your bike
HaHa


This kind of joke is not welcome here. Keep it to yourself.

Please everyone, ignore this troll.....

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Fri Mar 12, 2010 12:25 pm Profile
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Post Re: Got jokes son
what a freakin joke you are phish. you are way more of a joke than the classless joke you just posted.


Fri Mar 12, 2010 2:50 pm Profile
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Location: Largo, FL
Post Re: Got jokes son
I must concur. Phish your joke was out of context, and racist. Your duachebagness resonates with every statement you make. I don't believe in ganging up on someone unless they clearly deserve it, and you my friend clearly do. This is not girlish, this is just being real. Seems like you have not made very many friends here with you confrontational aggressor type mentality.
If you expect others to ignore you why don't you just leave, and save us all the time?


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Fri Mar 12, 2010 6:14 pm Profile WWW
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Post Re: Got jokes son
Now that's a joke!

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Fri Mar 12, 2010 6:15 pm Profile WWW
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