Last visit was: Mon Oct 22, 2018 11:27 am It is currently Mon Oct 22, 2018 11:27 am




 [ 213 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22  Next
 Jokes anyone? 
Author Message
♫♫ Wanee Master ♫♫
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:52 pm
Posts: 7165
Location: Brandon, Florida
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
I don't have any meme talent, but somebody needs to do one with that classic advertising Brillcreme phrase (for those of a certain age):

A LITTLE DAB'LL DO YA!

_________________
"Bring the band on down behind me, boys." -- FZ

"Remember: music is a religion. You have to pray every day."
-- Jose' Luis "Cheo" Pardo, Los Amigos Invisibles


Wed Apr 05, 2017 11:58 am Profile
Wanee Fan

Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2010 3:54 pm
Posts: 153
Location: St Petersburg, FL
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
After a long and happy life, Jimmy Buffett finally dies and goes to Heaven.

God Herself comes out to greet him, then spends the day showing him around. When they're done with their Tour of Heaven, She shows Jimmy to a sweet little cottage with a private beach, a cozy porch, and a Parrot Head flag out front.

God tells Jimmy, "Not many folks get their own house in Heaven, but this one is yours." Jimmy thanks Her sincerely, but as he turns to go inside, he notices a big mansion on a nearby hill.

This mansion is made of shining marble, two stories tall. There's a wraparound porch, with tie-dyed flags hanging from all the rafters. The doors are all exotic wood, each inlaid with a Steal Your Face logo. The shutters feature dancing bears, and the hedges are all rose bushes in bloom...

Jimmy looks from the mansion to his own home, then says, "God, I'm grateful for my Heavenly home, and I thank You again... But how is it that I got this little cottage, while Jerry Garcia gets a mansion on a hill?"

God glances up the road at the mansion, then says to Jimmy:
"My son: That's not Jerry's house, that's MY house..."


Thu Apr 06, 2017 6:32 pm Profile
♫♫ Wanee Master ♫♫
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:52 pm
Posts: 7165
Location: Brandon, Florida
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
The rancher had a hundred head of cattle. One afternoon, we was concerned that he only had 99 until he rounded them up.

_________________
"Bring the band on down behind me, boys." -- FZ

"Remember: music is a religion. You have to pray every day."
-- Jose' Luis "Cheo" Pardo, Los Amigos Invisibles


Thu Apr 06, 2017 10:43 pm Profile
Wanee Wizard
User avatar

Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:20 am
Posts: 2966
Location: Southwest Florida
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
And, Math humor returns to the forum. :lol:

_________________
Fell off the wagon,
and got on the bus.


Fri Apr 07, 2017 8:35 am Profile
♫♫ Wanee Master ♫♫
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:52 pm
Posts: 7165
Location: Brandon, Florida
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
OK, Mush, this is your fault.

And forgive me for using the term squaw, which I understand is derogatory.

Three squaws are in the maternity tepee. One squaw is on a bear hide. Another is on an elk hide. The third is on a hippopotamus hide.

They all give birth on the same day. The mother on the bear hide has a 7-pound son. The one on the elk hide has a 9-pound son. Meanwhile, the mother on the hippopotamus hide has two 8-pound sons.

Which proves, of course,

That the sons of the squaw on the hippopotamus are equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.



And I am ducking... NOW!

_________________
"Bring the band on down behind me, boys." -- FZ

"Remember: music is a religion. You have to pray every day."
-- Jose' Luis "Cheo" Pardo, Los Amigos Invisibles


Fri Apr 07, 2017 11:59 pm Profile
♫♫ Wanee Master ♫♫
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:52 pm
Posts: 7165
Location: Brandon, Florida
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
Dealing with SQUIRRELS:

The Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel problem. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist Church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church . Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish Synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

_________________
"Bring the band on down behind me, boys." -- FZ

"Remember: music is a religion. You have to pray every day."
-- Jose' Luis "Cheo" Pardo, Los Amigos Invisibles


Sun Apr 09, 2017 3:05 pm Profile
ϟ ϟ Wanee Demi-God ϟ ϟ
User avatar

Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2011 12:07 pm
Posts: 11242
Location: Marianna, Florida
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


Sun Apr 09, 2017 5:13 pm Profile
♫♫ Wanee Master ♫♫
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:52 pm
Posts: 7165
Location: Brandon, Florida
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
Do you know what the best contract in bridge is?




SEVEN NO TRUMP!

_________________
"Bring the band on down behind me, boys." -- FZ

"Remember: music is a religion. You have to pray every day."
-- Jose' Luis "Cheo" Pardo, Los Amigos Invisibles


Thu Apr 13, 2017 3:26 am Profile
Wanee Wizard

Joined: Fri Jan 04, 2013 3:40 pm
Posts: 3104
Location: FL
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
tieyourshoes51 wrote:
Do you know what the best contract in bridge is?




SEVEN NO TRUMP!




Yeah, sure, like anyone who knows how to play bridge didn't vote for Trump.

_________________
"Yeah, well, ya know, that's just like uh... your opinion, man"


Thu Apr 13, 2017 8:33 am Profile
♫♫ Wanee Master ♫♫
User avatar

Joined: Tue Feb 16, 2010 4:52 pm
Posts: 7165
Location: Brandon, Florida
Post Re: Jokes anyone?
nickyler wrote:
tieyourshoes51 wrote:
Do you know what the best contract in bridge is?




SEVEN NO TRUMP!




Yeah, sure, like anyone who knows how to play bridge didn't vote for Trump.



It's difficult to know whether I should be mad, amused or sarcastic.

_________________
"Bring the band on down behind me, boys." -- FZ

"Remember: music is a religion. You have to pray every day."
-- Jose' Luis "Cheo" Pardo, Los Amigos Invisibles


Thu Apr 13, 2017 7:50 pm Profile
 [ 213 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22  Next


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: CCBot, Choopa.net/ahrefs.com[Bot], opensite bot and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Jump to:  
Intentional bypassing of the word filter will lead to user banning. The forum is used by all ages and walks of life and your respect for that is appreciated.
Powered by phpBB © phpBB Group.
Designed by Vjacheslav Trushkin for Free Forums/DivisionCore.